


Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Dankest of Them All?

by Beewachan



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Explicit Language, HANAMATSU WEEK, I'm excited can you tell, M/M, MEME COMPETITION, MatsuHana Week, overuse of the word dank, seijohoes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 21:56:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11609748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beewachan/pseuds/Beewachan
Summary: Matsukawa and Hanamaki compete for the title of the Best Meme Dealer™ at the Seijoh Volleyball Club Awards. Everyone gets a meme.





	Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Dankest of Them All?

**Author's Note:**

> This is for Matsuhana Week Day 2  
> Prompt: competition//petty 
> 
> might be ooc given ive only read like 2 matsuhanas im sryyy  
> I tried to proofread, so I hope it's okay

Hanamaki felt a gentle nudge against his ankle in the form of a kick from Matsukawa, and shortly afterwards, lips were dangerously close to his ear, whispering, “Don't hate me when I win.”

And suddenly Hanamaki went from a kind of turned on mood to, a kind of ‘fuck you, and die’ mood. “Sorry, honey, but I’m the dankest,” he hissed back at Matsukawa while straightening his tie in some sort of, ‘I’m better than you’ gesture.

Hamamaki had worked far too hard this past couple of weeks to lose now.

 

  
“Makki, I get it,” Oikawa began, sitting (he fell on his ass, actually) in a patch of grass outside of the club room, scrolling through his phone, “you want the best meme dealer award. I know, since you were the one who requested it become a thing so much, anyway.” Hanamaki nodded at his captain furiously.

“But, Makki, dear, accidentally pushing me on my way to the club room to show me some ‘dank memes’ that you've so kindly handpicked and printed out for me is not going to help you win.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you have to win over everyone else voting, right?” Oikawa pointed to his temple.

“Why do that when you get, like, seven votes?” Hanamaki pointed to his temple as well, and Oikawa rolled his eyes.

 

  
Iwaizumi opened his locker just for a color-copied piece of paper to slip out and to the floor. Pepe the frog, captioned, “When you come to school the next day only to see that Oikawa wasn't miraculously devoured by Godzilla,” signed, “xoxo, The Best Meme Dealer, Matsukawa Issei.”

Iwaizumi suppressed a chuckle, because men don't chuckle at memes, but that surprise print out was a point for Mattsun.

 

  
“What's up lovebirds?” Hanamaki slung his arms around Kyoutani and Yahaba’s shoulders.

He got an irritated “fuck off” from Kyoutani and a “we’re not in love!” from Yahaba.

“Who are you voting as best meme dealer at this years Sejioh V.B.C. awards?”

“Not you,” Kyoutani growled.

“What do you mean?! What about all those bee movie and gay porn memes I send you? You love those, don't you?”

“Porn?” Kyoutani and Yahaba both turned to Hanamaki with equally disgusted and annoyed looks.

“Come on, Kyoutani, don't pretend you don't know.” Hanamaki ruffled his hair, which undeniably almost got him killed, but it was all good.

 

  
“How are my two favorite first-years doing?” Matsukawa greeted Kindaichi and Kunimi on their way out of the gym after practice.

“We’re the only first-years here,” Kunimi whispered to Kindaichi, who whispered back that maybe Matsukawa meant in the entire school.

“Hi,” Kunimi said to Matsukawa, who ignored their little side conversation.

“‘Sup. You're gonna vote me for best meme dealer, right?”

“Yessir!” Kindaichi was quick to answer, and Kunimi gave him a look before saying sure, whatever, something like that, anyway.

“Cool. I'll hit you up with the freshest handcrafted memes tonight then.” Matsukawa disappeared off into thin air.

 

  
Iwaizumi woke up to a text from Hanamaki of Oikawa’s face photoshopped onto Barry Benson, captioned, “Beekawa.”

Oikawa woke up to a text from Hanamaki with Iwaizumi’s face photoshopped onto Barry Benson, captioned, “Beewa-chan.”

Two points for Makki.

 

  
“Open up your textbooks to page 372,” the teacher of class 2-6 instructed.

Watari followed, and in between page 372 and 373 were two print-outs of Neko Atsume memes. On the back of them, it was signed, your favorite memer, Matsukawa Issei.

Watari wasn't sure whether or not he should be more concerned that Matsukawa knows he plays Neko Atsume or that he got into the class this morning before Watari, knew what page they'd be on in which book, and slipped two memes in.

He gave a wary look around the classroom for Matsukawa, but he wasn't there.

 

  
By none other than Hanamaki’s doing, Kunimi found a [dat boi meme](http://ifunny.co/fun/9MMW0k205), referencing death, in his sock drawer. Of course, the paper was signed on the back by Hanamaki.

Alarmed by the fact that Hanamaki got into his sock drawer, Kunimi looked around his room and out of his window. Nothing. He had to say, though, he was quite impressed by the lengths Hanamaki would go to to win this stupid award.

 

  
“Babe,” Matsukawa frowned at Hanamaki as he sat down in front of him on the roof, “you haven't sent me any memes all week.”

“Sorry, babe, but our marriage is on hold until I get that one-dollar, fake gold trophy.”

“Wow, Makki.”

 

  
“Oikawa!” Matsukawa greeted him outside of the club room with a smile too sly for comfort.

“Oh, god, it's happening again,” Oikawa said under his breath.

“I brought you some fresh memes,” Matsukawa handed him one of those expanding brain memes that started with ‘you should have come to Shiratorizawa’ and ended with ‘you made an unfortunate decision to attend aoba johsai given that the soil is infertile and you would have flourished at the best school in the prefecture and gone to nationals several times and have had a far more successful volleyball career had you attended the aforementioned school.’

“Fuck you, Mattsun. Go show Iwa-chan.” Oikawa gestured towards Iwaizumi, who was approaching the club room.

Iwaizumi cracked a small smile, only because he knew the meme annoyed Oikawa. Point for Mattsun.

 

  
“Makki,” Mattsukawa stopped him on his way out of class three, pushing Hanamaki against the wall closest to the door and putting his hand on it beside Hanamaki’s head (aka doing that thing that the cool kids do in the movies).

“Yes?” He fluttered his eyelashes with a grin.

Matsukawa winked.“Where did all my memes go?”

Hanamaki winked back. “I definitely didn't break into your locker at 5:32 a.m, burn all the print-outs, hack your phone, and delete all your albums.”

“Makki, you're playing with fire. Literally.”

Hanamaki shrugged.

“Two can play at that game, then.” In one swift movement, Matsukawa turned Hanamaki around, pulled that messenger bag off of Hanamaki’s shoulder, and made a run for it.

Once he got to the place that Hanamaki was least likely to be, the chess club room (which was full of people giving a somewhat sweaty Matsukawa questioning looks and judgmental stares), Matsukawa dumped the contents of the bag out.

“I come here in peace,” he announced to the president who was previously giving him the stink eye.

Matsukawa sifted through Hanamaki’s physical folders and virtual screenshot albums, looking for the best memes and uttering a ‘spicy’ or a ‘nice, Takahiro,’ every now and then.

 

  
“I still can't believe you stole my memes during the prime of the competition,” Hanamaki kicked Matsukawa under the table.

“You stole mine first,” Matsukawa lazily grinned.

“Shut up,” Hanamaki frowned.

From behind the podium that was in the gym, Oikawa announced the winner of the Second Best Haircut Award.

“And now, what we've all been waiting for,” Oikawa said as Hanamaki muttered a ‘finally,’ “the Best Meme Dealer Award.” Iwaizumi handed Oikawa an envelope which he dissected and read from, “goes to Matsukawa Issei!”

Hanamaki’s jaw and heart dropped.

Iwaizumi, having a clear view of what the paper inside really said gave him a ‘what the fuck are you doing?’ look.

And just as Matsukawa walked up to the makeshift stage and the podium to retrieve that fake plant, spray painted in gold and glued on a Trophy base, Oikawa finished his sentence. “‘S boyfriend, Hanamaki Takahiro!”

When Oikawa finished, Matsukawa was already up there beside him and Iwaizumi, and Hanamaki was getting up from his seat, dancing, and blurting all sorts of expletives.

“Fuck yes, Mattsun! I told you! I told you I would win! Ha! I officially,” Hanamaki ran up to the stage and took the gilded plant from Iwaizumi, “am the dankest! Person! In! This! Room! Fuck! You! I! Win!” Hanamaki said in between obnoxious claps of one hand against his wrist because the other was holding the trophy.

Hanamaki wasn't done yet. “I just wanted to thank you all so much for voting for me. It means the world to me. Mwah! Love you! Ah! This is so! Ah! I feel like Ariana Grande! Mwah! Mwah! So much love!”

Hanamaki blew a total of six kisses to the small crowd of Seijoh’s Volleyball Club Award Show and earned a total of three rounds of applause: one when he accepted (snatched) the award, another when he pulled Matsukawa in for the dankest kiss of all time, and the last when he waved his middle finger in Matsukawa’s face as he shimmied like Shaq, hugged him, and walked off stage.

Matsukawa Issei’s boyfriend certainly was the Best Meme Dealer in the Seijoh Volleyball Club.

**Author's Note:**

> THANKS FOR READING
> 
> makki won by 1 vote


End file.
